By Floyd Alexander-Hunt -
EXCLUSIVE. Kim Kardashian West lets LSJ in on the reasons behind her decision to study law.
Hiiiiiii guys, Kimmy K here (well, it’s actually Floyd-Alexander Hunt, but you can play along). I know what you’re thinking: “Why is she studying law?” There are 13 reasons why. But don’t worry, it’s not as problematic as the show. Bible.
1. My dad
Basically, Robert Kardashian was a lawyer who dedicated his career to helping OJ Simpson stay out of prison. He is totally my hero and restored my faith in the justice system.
2. Divorce (oops, been there!)
I have so much experience when it comes to legal stuff because I’ve been married twice before Kanye. Once when I was high on ecstasy and once to get attention. Also, I’m an expert in getting out of marriage – I escaped my last one in just 72 days!
3. Hot women can be lawyers too
Just look at Amal Clooney and Meghan Markle.
4. Words
I love words! Given the law involves so many words, I feel like I am ready to be a lawyer having spent literally years reading captions on Instagram.
5. Cans
Cans can be really problematic in law. I mean, sure, there was that snail in a can in Donoghue v Stevenson (or bottle, same thing, both are recyclable), but Kendall got in waaaay more trouble with her Pepsi can ad.
6. Contracts
My mum takes 10 per cent of everything I earn, as my “manager”. This doesn’t seem very considerate, which makes the contract unlawful (see – I know how consideration works!). I know so much about contracts because we’re family by blood but best friends by contractual obligation.
7. The “baby bar”
Apparently I have to take it this year. But I am so ready because I literally have three babies and another one on the way.
8. Fraud
I want to learn more about this area of law because everyone thought Kylie was fraudulent when all she did was change her face. I guess it didn’t help that she lied about her pregnancy.
9. Make up
The lack of contours and highlighting I see on some women is simply criminal. I have big plans for the justice system, including a big makeover!
10. Sex tape
Don’t pretend you haven’t watched it. It got leaked back in ‘07, and while I owe my career to it, I have also been waiting all this time to sue Ray J for emotional distress like in Giller v Procopets.
11. College
I never quite finished but apparently I can do these monthly multiple choice quizzes and it’s the same thing?
12. Alice Marie Johnson
This chick was imprisoned for ages just because she took drugs. When I tweeted, “this is so unfair”, I started a movement. I freed the woman and even got her a book deal, because Ivanka and I saw eye to eye – as women and as people who haven’t been to prison (yet).
13. To spend time away from my kids – they’re exhausting.
Okay, gotta go finish my essay on negligence. If you don’t know what that means, it’s basically just about like neglecting your body and the benefits of tummy tea!
