By -

Each year, children (lawyers) everywhere look forward to the arrival of the Easter Bunny. However, this year felt different due to COVID-19 and the reality of spending another four days indoors. One particularly bored lawyer spent their Easter weekend investigating the Bunny and discovered some rather shocking news and we have the scoop.

The defendant (aka the Easter Bunny) is in trouble with the law. Despite his charming (creepy) appearance, the beloved Bunny faces several charges including trespass, defamation, and misleading and deceptive conduct. The trial is due to take place later this month via Zoom. Chief Justice Kiefel says it is a matter for the High Court because Easter and chocolate are as paramount as the rule of law. Justice Gageler hopes the Bunny is wearing pants.

The Bunny faces the following charges: Trespass: For years, the Easter Bunny has been seen trespassing on properties and leaving eggs in random places, including someone’s washing machine which ruined a load of whites.

Misleading and deceptive conduct: Advertising chocolate eggs as eggs is misleading. One kid tried to use his Easter eggs to make an eggs benedict. Needless to say, his breakfast tasted weird. Another woman took her Easter eggs to an IVF clinic and was turned away.

Defamation: The Bunny was recently heard bad-mouthing the tooth fairy, claiming “she’s only in it for the money” and “enjoys watching children suffer”. 

Negligence: One child found a worm in their chocolate egg this year. Civil suits have been commenced and the duty of hare will be enforced. 

Equity: The Bunny is clearly in breach of the infamous equity maxim: “He who comes to equity must come with clean hands paws.” Seriously, clean your paws, Bunny, we need to flatten the curve.

False imprisonment: Locking a bunch of kids in a confined space each year to “search for eggs” definitely sounds dodgy. The Bunny will have a hard time getting out of this one.

Breach of contract: The Bunny has been accused of failing to perform his duties under the “Easter contract”. Several people say they didn’t receive their Easter eggs and had to buy their own for an exorbitant price at Coles and Woolies.

Breach of pacta sunt servanda: The Bunny failed to fulfil his international obligations this year. Sure, the borders were locked, but that’s no excuse for a mythical creature who can supposedly travel through time and talk to humans.

Bribing jurors: While doing jury duty in January 2020, the Easter Bunny was seen offering chocolate to other jurors. When asked if he was bribing the jury, the Bunny replied, “No, I just love gifting people chocolate for free.” A likely story … what next? A ouija board? 

Please note – the eggshell skull rule applies in this case. So, yes, hiding my Easter egg at the other end of the house is traumatising as I am vulnerable when it comes to any physical exercise.