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As the financial year draws to a close, many lawyers have been left wondering what they can tax deduct during the coronavirus pandemic.

Toilet paper: because in coronavirus times, it’s arguably harder to get than a law degree.

A deluxe king size bed: law firms used to pay for your fancy stand-up desk, so why shouldn’t you be able to claim your fancy new lie-down desk?

Coloured pencils: for colouring in your briefs “mindfully”.

Noise cancelling headphones: the connection to law is “hearing”. Also, now you don’t have to hear your neighbour work on their new album. And don’t even think about releasing your own lame songs “don’t go defaming my heart” or “how deep is your pocket”.

Scales: to measure justice but also monitor your ever increasing iso weight.

A razor: to shred documents or shave your hair off during your identity crisis. 

Netflix subscription: as a lawyer, it is your fundamental duty to research Carol Baskin’s guilt by watching Tiger King on repeat. 

Uber eats: for client meetings … by yourself …

Bleach: Trump says it cures COVID-19 and if nothing else you can use it to destroy evidence.

Costumes from eBay: sometimes you have to put the “act” in actus reus. Clients will appreciate the theatrical re-enactment of their cases via Zoom.

Puzzle: because there are as many sections as the Corporations Act 2001 (Cth).

A clock or watch: to know what day it is and how many six-minute billing periods you spent “practising law” (learning to knit).

Milk: because, like a civil suit, if you leave it beyond its limitation period it’s useless.  

Guitar: a lawyer without an annoying instrument is like the Civil Liability Act 2002 (NSW) – a complete waste of time.

A cage: restorative justice doesn’t always work against children who are bored at home. 

A gavel: to tenderise meat for a new Jamie Oliver dish you’re cooking at 11am on a Tuesday.

Sanitary products: who says it can’t be a legal pad?

Coffee: the more grounds (of review) you can establish, the better chance you have of overturning an administrative decision.

A weighted blanket: to feel the full force of the law and hide from your children.

Wigs: like a judge, you can’t be bothered doing your hair every day for meetings on Zoom.

Law textbooks: to build a wall to stop you from yelling at your partner who is also working from home on the same dining table and “chews really loudly”.

Mask: to help stop the spread but also because lawyers should really stop speaking so much.

Briefs: both the legal and underwear type are tax deductible.