Book review: Styled

Before opening this book, I took a moment to stare at it. Taking in its title, its bright pink cover, the image of a fashionable lady walking around, I considered how different my life could become. If this book could only lay out a clearly structured, easy-to-follow guide to how to dress myself, I could actually start to dress like an adult with all of her faculties. And yet, at the same time, an age-old idiom kept niggling at the back of my mind, injecting doubt: you can put lipstick on a pig, but it’ll still be a pig.

Nevertheless, I decided to give it a go, and having now read this book in its entirety, I’m compelled to caution any prospective reader. Before cracking the cover, you may want to critically examine your relationship with your father. I say this because it was only about halfway through the book that I realised I had been reading the entire thing in the father’s voice. My father, for the record, has always had a gift for aesthetic discernment, and he would frequently steer me and my sporty mother away from fashion missteps by describing our outfits with poignantly onomatopoetic terms like “frumpity-bumpkiss.” And boy, let me tell you – this book had me feeling frumpity bumpkiss ten ways to Sunday.

In the first chapter, I was told that I can “choose how [I] present [myself] to the world using [my] clothing and style.” As a red-headed, 6’1” American whose default speaking volume requires a megaphone to overpower, this sentiment felt like an empty promise that would only ring true for those readers whose body compositions (and personalities) would, by default, blend in with the majority of the population.

Then, halfway through the book, I was assaulted by a chapter entitled “EMBRACE YOUR SHAPE.” Having been told more than once in my life that my shape lay somewhere between “slenderman” and “tree trunk,” I was sceptical that this chapter would contain useful advice. I was right. And after reviewing the various depicted outfit suggestions for different body shapes, I was left with the distinct impression that this book was written by my Year 8 art teacher, Mrs. Madley, who could reliably be found each school day adorned in what could only be described as multiple blankets, somehow belted together with nothing but old bubble gum and forgotten responsibilities.

However, these critiques notwithstanding, the book actually did have several useful theories. For instance, the “Three Cs of Style Building” give guidance to build your wardrobe out of a “core” wardrobe, some lasting “charisma” pieces to vary your outfits, and a few ever-changing “crush” pieces for when you see a shorter-term trend that you really like. This seemed like practical advice, if a bit forcibly alliterative, and has since genuinely helped me in my online shopping habits. Now, don’t get me wrong, all my trousers are still high-waters, and my shoulders and arms are so broad and long that all tops and jackets still render me reminiscent of a Dickensian orphan who just raided the glue factory’s lost-and-found. But I will say that I no longer buy clothes in the “this is cheap, and might not look too bizarre on me, so let’s risk it” mindset. Now, I really do think to myself: is this a versatile piece of clothing that I’ll keep for many years? Is that an accent piece that could be used in many ways? Is this something I am really, honestly excited to wear, even if it’s just once? And if it’s none of those things, I don’t buy it. In fact, this has helped me so much that I’ve since been able to start a new, much healthier habit of buying cheap flat-pack furniture online and spending nineteen hours putting it together incorrectly, only to subsequently discover that it doesn’t fit in my house because I forgot to look at the measurements.

All in all, I think this book is best placed for a person who is either looking to address an endless “shop, throw out, and shop some more” cycle, or for those who are looking to grow their confidence and self-acceptance in a world of constantly changing aesthetic expectations. Both are very worthwhile pursuits, and while it really did correct my fast fashion problem, it also helped me venture beyond dressing only in blacks, whites, and navies at work. Now, I occasionally also wear beige.