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What can we learn from parliament, one of Australia’s most high-performing workplaces?

How do you do well in a performance review? If you’re here today, I suspect it’s because you’re one of The Problem Three.

I’m an employment lawyer, so I know every workplace has three employees to be mindful of, and parliament is no exception. I think we can all benefit from observing Canberra and let our elected representatives teach us something – answer the questions we haven’t asked but which all of you need answers to. I have used pseudonyms because I don’t want to get sued.

Employee #1 – the troublemaker

We all know him. That guy that sculls one too many vodka blacks at the Christmas party, hits on Tammy from reception, and checks out her souvenirs from Thailand. At your firm he may go by a different name. At Capitol Hill, that name is “Yarnaby”.

Now, where did Yarnaby go wrong? Was it that he was having relations with a colleague? No, you can’t get sacked for that. And anyone who says you can’t sleep your way to the top in life or war is wrong. Where did he go wrong? Knocking her up. Because once you do that you can no longer lie, and that is lesson number one. Lie. If your performance is shit or you’ve done the wrong thing – lie.

If a client asks, “Kim, how’s that advice coming along?”

– “Yeah, great!” LIE.

“Do you reckon it’ll come under the estimate?”

– “Yep, looks likely!” LIE.

The Liberal Party is still lying about climate change, and for that – respect. And if lying doesn’t work, take a pamphlet from problem employee #2 and employ blame.

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