By Floyd Alexander-Hunt -
Much like a common law precedent, horoscopes can be interpreted in all manner of ways and read for free on the internet. And the best way to approach these horoscopes is as if they were a partner at your law firm – do exactly as they say.
ARIES
March 21– April 19
As Venus moves past Orion’s belt, don’t neglect the feminine side of your being. Sure, you have time for mens rea, but have you forgotten your womens rea?
TAURUS
April 20 – May 20
Beware of a very large and arduous task, one that goes on and on forever and seems to repeat itself. Hint: every legal matter you ever accepted.
GEMINI
May 21 – June 21
The alignment of Mars and Jupiter indicates that good things come to those who wait – and to those who make others wait. Hold tight with the patience of a young Julie Bishop in delaying civil claims against James Hardie.
CANCER
June 22 – July 21
Routine can be comforting, but it has you stuck in a rut. Try showing up to court having only read the obiter.
LEO
July 23 – August 22
Pluto waxes in influence, meaning it’s time to spice up your citation routine. Who needs the Australian Guide to Legal Citation? Wow your boss with some Harvard referencing, or maybe even some cheeky Chicago style.
VIRGO
August 23 – September 22
Today you’re full of intense energy. You’ve binge-watched The Good Wife and for once you understood all of the legal jargon. Perhaps you are a brilliant legal mind after all?
LIBRA
September 23 – October 22
Orion looks favourably upon you. When love comes knocking, be ready to open the door to new people. And remember that, legally, corporations are people too.
SCORPIO
October 23 – November 22
Everyone has quirks, but yours may not be as charming as you think. Before you speak, try applying this fun legal test: “Would a reasonable person in the circumstances say what you’re about to say out in public?” PS: the reasonable person test is about as vague and unhelpful as these horoscopes.
SAGITTARIUS
November 23 – December 20
Your defences are weaker than usual and you find yourself accepting the easy road for the time being. Head to Austlii and Control + F “catchwords”.
CAPRICORN
December 21 – January 19
Neptune’s oscillation bodes poorly for equity concerns. Don’t offer any explanations for what you do with trusts this week. (This applies particularly to Capricorns working at the Commonwealth Bank.)
AQUARIUS
January 20 – February 18
The Age of Aquarius is still protected by copyright. Remember to wait until 70 years after the death of a writer before ripping off their song. Seriously, intellectual property is not a joke.
PISCES
February 19 – March 20
Time for your annual “I’m quitting law to start a blog” crisis.
That’s all from me. (I have a blog to write)
