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Since my first year at university, I believed the feeling of being an ‘imposter’ would disappear the day I became a lawyer. I told myself that once I had the job, the title, and my admission certificate hanging on the wall, I would finally feel like I belonged in a profession I had worked so hard to be a part of. Instead, the feeling got worse.

I remember sitting in lectures surrounded by people who seemed to understand everything. They spoke confidently and asked thoughtful questions, while I sat there quietly wondering: “Am I the only who doesn’t understand this?”.  I was too embarrassed to ask for help, which only made the feeling worse. It seemed as though everyone was on the path to becoming a lawyer and I felt like I was about to be ‘found out.’

After my admission, I accepted an opportunity to work interstate at a busy law firm in the CBD. I expected the doubts I felt at university to fade once I started but they followed me. They showed up in everyday tasks from drafting letters to speaking to clients and sending emails. I would read emails repeatedly before sending them, convinced I missed something and I read them again after they were sent (just in case). I dreaded phone calls because I was worried a client would ask me a question I could not answer and I asked the partners to review everything I did, just so I felt like I had a safety net.

I can barely remember my first court appearance. The anxiety was so overwhelming that all I remember is arriving and then leaving. Everything in between is a blur.

I had heard about imposter syndrome at university. People said it was common in the legal profession, but I had always been confident in school, so I assumed it was different to what I was experiencing.

It took time to recognise that I was experiencing imposter syndrome. I convinced myself I was imagining it. Colleagues and barristers complimented my work and described me as a ‘rising star’. From the outside, I seemed confident but, on the inside, I felt anything but.

One of the most important things that I wish I had known earlier in my career is that no one begins their legal career feeling completely ready. University teaches you the academic side of legal practice such as how to read cases, interpret legislation, critically think about a situation, and how to reference using the Australian Guide to Legal Citation. However, it does not teach you the practical aspect of being a lawyer. It does not prepare you to manage client expectations, make judgment calls, or guide people through difficult periods in their lives. Those are skills you learn by doing.

Competence is not something that you automatically graduate with. It is something that you build gradually, often without even noticing, through doing the work, asking questions, and learning from not only from your successes, but also from your mistakes.

I wish I knew earlier that confidence and competence do not always arrive at the same time. It is possible to be capable without feeling confident and feeling uncertain while also doing your job well. Every time you complete a task, every time you settle a matter, and every time you draft a document, you grow your confidence. Eventually, the things that once felt impossible start to feel possible.

You are not expected to know everything as a first-year lawyer. Your role is not to know all the answers, but to learn and develop skills that will allow you to find them. Asking questions is not a sign of weakness, rather it is a sign that you are engaged and committed to development. You are not expected to be perfect, but you are expected to grow.

Feeling like an imposter does not mean that you do not belong. It means you are in an environment that is challenging you, and you are going beyond what feels comfortable to grow. Over time, although the feeling does not disappear completely, it gets quieter.

Tasks that once felt intimidating become familiar, and the situations that caused you anxiety (like my first court hearing) will become more manageable. One day, you will realise you no longer feel like you are pretending to be a lawyer – you are one.