By Floyd Alexander-Hunt -
Lawyers are repeatedly asked the same two questions: why are you a lawyer and how do I get out of jury duty? We have the answers.
Not to why you became a lawyer (no one understands that), but to getting out of jury duty. Please note: This is not at all accurate and the Law Society of NSW will not be held accountable for anyone who acts on this advice. With that in mind, here are 20 creative ways to get dismissed as a juror:
- Turn up wearing a Princess Leia costume. They’ll instantly know you have daddy issues.
- Bring up your horoscope at every opportunity. Try starting each sentence with: “As a water-bearer sign aka Aquarius …”
- Eat a questionable lamb kebab right before going in. While they want your input, they don’t want that much input.
- Use actus reus and mens rea in casual conversation. They’ll think you know something.
- Ask for the judge’s number. Add a wink and you might be banned for life.
- Mention your dietary requirements. No one wants to deal with a vegan, gluten, dairy and sugar free juror.
- Pull out a Ouija board. Courts despise them ever since jurors used one to get in touch with a murder victim directly to ask who had killed him. (See R v Young)
- Say you have an arts degree from Sydney University. That way they know you’re both useless and pretentious.
- Add the accused on Facebook and Instagram. It’s a big no-no in the jury process and also increases your followers. Bonus!
- Bring up Socrates. Jury trials hated him back in 399BC and it’s still a bit of a sore point.
- Know the difference between bailee and bailor. Anyone who does knows the law too well.
- Take swigs from a Penfolds wine bottle. In part because there is a case about Penfolds (See Penfolds Wines v Elliott) but mainly because it’s incredibly inappropriate to drink wine in a courtroom.
- Bring your pet spider with you. Some people are scared of spiders, but everyone is scared of a person who has a pet spider.
- Wear a tracksuit. If you have no respect for yourself you surely have no respect for the law.
- Yell “hearsay” repeatedly. It will trigger PTSD for those who have watched Boston Legal.
- Speak with an American accent. Enough said.
- Refer to true crime podcasts whenever you can. Judges love that.
- Wear big hoop earrings. You’ll be dismissed for supporting loop holes.
- Say the accused reminds you of your ex … in that he was GUILTY.
- Be really present and make lots of eye contact. No one trusts a person who is living in the moment. Seriously, cut it out Sharon.