By Elli Balafas -
For many of us, “Keeping up with the Joneses” is a familiar turn of phrase. It’s used when referring to behaviours or actions of individuals trying to match or surpass the social and material status of others.
Essentially, it implies a desire to have or do what someone else has and does in order to maintain a perceived level of social positioning or success. This behaviour can stem from an array of needs. As we know, human beings are, inherently, social beings, meaning we often look to others for cues on how to behave, what to value, and what is considered successful and appropriate.
Peers, family, media, and society at large all have the potential to influence us. This leads us to compare ourselves to others to fit in or meet societal expectations.
Humans have a natural need for validation and acceptance and may consequently compare themselves to others to seek external validation or affirmation of their worth.
Comparisons may also be driven by a desire for self-improvement or personal growth. Comparing ourselves to others that we perceive as more successful, accomplished, or skilled inspires and motivates us to push ourselves to achieve similar levels of success or excellence.
Competition is a fundamental aspect of human behaviour. Comparisons can also arise from a competitive mindset and a desire to establish a sense of superiority, particularly superiority over others. This can be driven by a need for power, recognition, or social status.
In today’s society, social media platforms and influencers provide never–ending exposure to other people’s lives and experiences, fuelling a sense of FOMO, or a fear of missing out on experiences, opportunities, or achievements. This can lead to constant comparisons as we strive to keep up with others and avoid feeling left behind.
It’s important to recognise that while comparisons can serve as a source of motivation or even boost our self-esteem, they can also be detrimental to our wellbeing when taken to the extreme. Comparisons can also lead to constant self-criticism and dissatisfaction, reducing our overall happiness. At the end of the day, it’s important to remember that everyone’s circumstances and priorities are different.
Instead on focusing on comparing ourselves to others, it is of greater benefit to prioritise personal values, set realistic goals, and make choices that align with our happiness, wellbeing, and growth.
But if we are struggling to break the cycle of comparison and focus on our personal growth, what steps can we take?
Firstly, recognise when you are engaging in comparison and the negative emotions it evokes. Take a step back and acknowledge that comparing yourself to others is unproductive and does not define your own worth or success.
Embrace your uniqueness by understanding and accepting that everyone has different strengths, weaknesses, and life experiences. Embrace and celebrate your own individuality and appreciate the qualities that make you unique.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, set meaningful and achievable goals based on your own values and aspirations. Focus on personal growth and progress rather than external benchmarks. Where do you want to be? How do you define fulfilment and success?
Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Replace self-criticism with self-compassion.
Acknowledge that everyone has vulnerabilities and imperfections, and that it is okay to make mistakes. Treat yourself with the same kindness and empathy you would offer to a friend.
Identify the people, situations, or platforms that tend to trigger comparison in you. Take steps to minimise your exposure. For example, try limiting your time on social media or unfollowing accounts that you find promote comparison within yourself. In addition, surround yourself with positive influences that support and uplift.
Cultivate a practice of gratitude by regularly acknowledging and appreciating the positive aspects of your life. This helps shift your focus from what you lack to what you already have. By practising gratitude, you can develop a sense of contentment and reduce the need for comparison.
Lastly, stay present in the moment and focus on your own experiences, rather than constantly comparing yourself to others. Mindfulness techniques such as meditation or deep breathing can help you stay grounded.
Breaking the habit of comparison takes time and effort. By implementing these strategies and focusing on your own growth and self-acceptance, you can shift your mindset and embrace a healthier, more fulfilling perspective.
Elli Balafas is the Wellbeing Manager for the Law Society of NSW. She is an experienced psychologist with more than 20 years of experience in the mental health field, working across the private and not-for-profit sectors.
