By -

2021 has been a hard year for lawyers everywhere because, well, they’re lawyers. The pandemic has deprived lawyers of client lunches, corporate cards and Hugo Boss suits. Instead they’ve been forced to spend a torturous amount of time with their “family” or “contractual obligations” as they call it. As a little reward for the legal profession, we have prepared a series of “treats” for lawyers to enjoy each day like a children’s advent calendar but without the calories. May December be your best month ever.

  1. December: Work less than 14 hours. Go on, treat yo self to 13 and a half hours!
  2. December: Watch the Discovery Channel instead of doing actual discovery.
  3. December: Use a Ouija board to decide a case – If juries can do it, so can you.
  4. December: Bring up your law degree as many times as you like today.
  5. December: Bill clients for an extra-long lunch break (and toilet breaks).
  6. December: Hate-stalk your law school nemesis on Instagram. Accidentally like a post of theirs from 2017, go to their law firm, steal their phone and remove the notification. It’s the only way.
  7. December: Get a free ginger beer by claiming there’s a snail in it #DonoghuevStevensonfreebie
  8. December: Wear silk underwear because, let’s face it, you’ll never be a silk.
  9. December: Persuade a uni student to drop out of law.
  10. December: Buy yourself a carbolic smoke ball to ward off COVID-19 (but also get vaxxed)
  11. December: Put on your out-of-office even though you’re literally in the office.
  12. December: Ask your colleagues what they earn … go on, we know you want to.
  13. December: Tell people about that high distinction you got in equity back in 2012.
  14. December: Take someone else’s food from the communal fridge then feign shock when they tell you it’s gone.
  15. December: Make a judge remember your name for once, perform a moving monologue or dance number in court.
  16. December: Slay karaoke at the work Christmas party (Siri play ‘My Heart Will Go On’).
  17. December: Actually wear casual clothes on casual Friday e.g. jeggings, trackpants, slides or even a bin tang singlet.
  18. December: “Lose” your work phone for the day. The bath can be so slippery!
  19. December: Go on, send that passive aggressive email saved in your drafts. “Per my last email …”
  20. December: Assign a clerk a completely pointless task but tell them it’s the most important thing they’ll ever do.
  21. December: Use the cat filter on all of your Zoom calls today. Repeat the phrase “But I am not a cat.”
  22. December: Update your LinkedIn picture to that thotty photo of you at the beach.
  23. December: Write a list of new year’s resolutions then … Put. It. In. the. Bin.
  24. December: Tell your extended family you have to work on Christmas day.
  25. December: Don’t come to work.