By Floyd Alexander-Hunt -
2021 has been a hard year for lawyers everywhere because, well, they’re lawyers. The pandemic has deprived lawyers of client lunches, corporate cards and Hugo Boss suits. Instead they’ve been forced to spend a torturous amount of time with their “family” or “contractual obligations” as they call it. As a little reward for the legal profession, we have prepared a series of “treats” for lawyers to enjoy each day like a children’s advent calendar but without the calories. May December be your best month ever.
- December: Work less than 14 hours. Go on, treat yo self to 13 and a half hours!
- December: Watch the Discovery Channel instead of doing actual discovery.
- December: Use a Ouija board to decide a case – If juries can do it, so can you.
- December: Bring up your law degree as many times as you like today.
- December: Bill clients for an extra-long lunch break (and toilet breaks).
- December: Hate-stalk your law school nemesis on Instagram. Accidentally like a post of theirs from 2017, go to their law firm, steal their phone and remove the notification. It’s the only way.
- December: Get a free ginger beer by claiming there’s a snail in it #DonoghuevStevensonfreebie
- December: Wear silk underwear because, let’s face it, you’ll never be a silk.
- December: Persuade a uni student to drop out of law.
- December: Buy yourself a carbolic smoke ball to ward off COVID-19 (but also get vaxxed)
- December: Put on your out-of-office even though you’re literally in the office.
- December: Ask your colleagues what they earn … go on, we know you want to.
- December: Tell people about that high distinction you got in equity back in 2012.
- December: Take someone else’s food from the communal fridge then feign shock when they tell you it’s gone.
- December: Make a judge remember your name for once, perform a moving monologue or dance number in court.
- December: Slay karaoke at the work Christmas party (Siri play ‘My Heart Will Go On’).
- December: Actually wear casual clothes on casual Friday e.g. jeggings, trackpants, slides or even a bin tang singlet.
- December: “Lose” your work phone for the day. The bath can be so slippery!
- December: Go on, send that passive aggressive email saved in your drafts. “Per my last email …”
- December: Assign a clerk a completely pointless task but tell them it’s the most important thing they’ll ever do.
- December: Use the cat filter on all of your Zoom calls today. Repeat the phrase “But I am not a cat.”
- December: Update your LinkedIn picture to that thotty photo of you at the beach.
- December: Write a list of new year’s resolutions then … Put. It. In. the. Bin.
- December: Tell your extended family you have to work on Christmas day.
- December: Don’t come to work.
